Meet the Mugwumps

The Mugwumps are “political hermaphordites” whom “the honest and tranquil manhood of this country despises.”

– Mary Abigail Dodge

“A Mugwump, like a mule, has no pride of ancestry, nor hope of posterity.

– Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll

“Oh, how I loathe the Mugwumps.” 

– Theodore Roosevelt

EL

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Kim Jong the Illest MC is a former star forward for the Washington Bullets, cowboy, fashion icon, of the Illest Dynasty, optimist, voted most likely to succeed, humanist, world record-setting golfer, son of the sun, father to the heir, Dear Leader, democidal maniac, and now Eternal Chairman sitting with the king, eating peanut butter and banana 4EVA.

Maryland, Texas, and Virginia

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WG

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MWG’s favorite President is his future self, and he has every intention of continuing the recent trend of British subjects in the White House.

Florida, Great Britain (The 51st State), and Virginia

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TM

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T$ plays heavy metal, rides bicycles with one or more gears, and drinks better beer than you’ve ever heard of, that’s for certain, but not too much (a man’s got to have a reasonable bedtime).  His economic disposition is influenced almost solely by Edith Piaf lyrics.

California, Georgia, Tennessee, and Virginia

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Mr and Mrs Webbington

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The Webbingtons met on the quarterdeck of the HMS Victory. She was an American-born privateer and smoothbore carronade cannoneer employed by Her Majesty’s Royal Navy. He was a scallywag and statistician. Perhaps it was the heat of battle or the sulfur in the air, but they threw down their arms and started up a living as millet farmers on the American high plains, where they debate politics and paleoethnobotany.

Colorado, Iowa, Virginia, Wyoming, and Merrie Olde England

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Roberta Boss.

Roberta Boss is a nihilist and former French Canadian separatist with a propensity for protest before finding peace with federalism and deciding to follow her dream as a political watercolor satirist in the greater Wichita metropolitan area.

Canada, Kansas, and South Carolina

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AK

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Publius is a rodent pedagogist, epigeneticist, and synthetic organic chemist. Despite being widely discredited, he continues to claim to be the unwanted progeny of T.S. Elliot and Madame Curie’s famous three-week affair in Lillehammer, Norway.

Alabama, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, and Virginia

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Inswid

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Inswid was birthed into an empty bathtub in a detainment dormitory on Ellis Island, the son of an Italian bureaucrat and his gypsy mistress. But he was destined for greatness, finding love and fortune in the vastness of the ocean floors, where he studies extremophiles living off the sulfuric gulps of deep-sea vents and calms his nerves with cigarettes, espresso, and a steady diet of Cole Porter.

New Jersey, Roma, and the northern rim of the Mariana Trench

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SKSkykins had an impressive 35-year career as a muckrake journalist for the defunct Cat Fancy Magazine, or so said her résumé. But what the owner of the New Kitten Quarterly did not know was that it was all a lie, that the entirety of his editorial staff was already hogtied, using their own balls of yarn, in the women’s washroom, and that he was but moments away from a watery grave. What had started as a tail of vengeance had slowly grown into an odyssey of genocide, and in that cramped corner office Skykins, for the first time, feared she had become the very godless creatures she sought to destroy. So, she put away her laser pointer and cyanide-laced catnip, took up her pen, and took back her passion for political fan fiction, which is what she had been fighting for all along.

Who’s asking?

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Big AlBig Al vanishes from the pages of history just as swiftly and enigmatically as he appears, with a flair for the dramatic and a foreboding prophecy, every word bitten off to emphasize its finality and punctuated by the sound of left fist into right palm. No one’s seen him alive since the day he left the upper atmosphere of his glass city for the desert of northern Nevada or knows if the dispatches still received in his name are authentic, but their perfume of sweat, smoke, and motor oil suggests the current land speed records are not long for this earth.

New York, California, and badlands of the American west

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Poetry Submissions

Please send up to ten poems (as PDF attachments) to mugwump.poetrydesk@gmail.com.  Submissions are accepted on a rolling basis.